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[sticky post] Friends Only

How-do, party people. For the sake of privacy and all that, this journal is locked down to the folks I know and love. If you want to become one of them, drop me a line! If you're trying to stalk me, feel free to not.

I'm gonna get a banner all up in this bitch eventually and make this the most glorious sticky post you've ever seen, but for the time being I'll just letcha hang.

Let's Get Ready to Rumble

So before I go back to writing serious business, I'm gonna take a minute to promote the bajeezus out of this spiffy Doctor Who icontest. I haven't done one of these since Firefly Rumble two years ago, so we'll see what happens.



If you have the time, sign up or watch the community and vote for the pretties! (If you don't vote for me, that's okay. You're not allowed to know what I make anyway. :P)

Starting Over

Welcome to the classy, victrola-laiden online lair of Blue Shell Maz… Maz is the nickname/pet name my boyfriend gave me when I became the counterpart to his sky pirate/treasure hunter persona. The "blue shell" part is because I like Mario Kart and I come back from behind, bitches. This account is a brand new account I made in place of the old one, where I was known as Yuki the Awesome. Modest, amirite? My friend Danni made that account for me when we were in high school.

Just before I graduated, I disappeared from that account for literally two years.

Sorry about that.

A lot has gone on. In the summer of 2010 I started working in professional theatre in Dallas, I started college, I was in some great plays, and I met some great people… I met my first boyfriend. I broke up with him when I fell so stupidly in love with my second. I got more jobs. My life's philosophy and my perception of the world have changed, in that I actually understand what I observe and am able to expound upon it. I lost my virginity. I'm a puppeteer with a marionette company. I've worked with anime voice actors and immensely talented stage actors in a professional capacity and didn't pee my pants over it even once. I stage managed a professional play. I moved into my own apartment. I went to protests. I didn't give into peer pressure. I still haven't learned to drive. I completed two years with a cumulative 3.46 GPA.

This past November I began to fall into depression. It stayed through the holidays during a particularly rocky time in my relationship, and just never went away. Since then I've lost jobs and lost friends and it's gotten worse. It's been crippling. I can't find a way to break out of it. But I know I can't do it by myself. I don't have the money to see a therapist right now, so I'm coming back here. I never avidly wrote or blogged on anything in particular, but I feel like LiveJournal was inspirational for me in a myriad of ways. Some of the best friends I've ever had I met online. It's rude of me to have left for so long. I owe a lot of you so much.

But I want to be clear that I'm not looking for attention and I'm not crying for help. I'm not threatening bodily harm in any way. It hasn't been fair to Davis, my other, wilder half, to be my one single positive outlet and my crutch. I'm looking for another outlet where I'm not so afraid, because I still get scared and very self-conscious in the theatre. I'm looking for self-worth. I'm learning how to be awesome again.

I want to meet new people here and I want to meet you all again.

Hi.

I'm Maddie.

Please, ask me questions. About anything. ANYTHING. Then let's all go watch The Avengers and dance.

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